I am realizing that I have only been going to 1 meeting a week and that is a large part of my insanity. Every time i go to a metting i feel better. But i haven't wanted to go and let people know where i am really at. that i am really just using, with out the dope. and how long before i actually put the dope in? i'm back to thinking that i can just drink. that i can have a beer or a glass of wine to relax. how insane is that? after what i just went thru last year with that. yet there is still a part of me that doesn't think it is insane. and i have plans to have lunch with this woman today, that i need to cancel. i have no business doing that, regardless of what my wife is doing. and i keep texting and calling other women. i even paid that girl to have sex with me again this week. i'm drowning in a sea of disease. and i'm miserable., pretending that i'm ok. lord, help me do the daily maintenance things that i can do today to be in recovery and have a reprieve from my disease. help me not listen to all the justifications and rationalizations that my disease and the enemy try to tell me. help me believe the truth. your truth. help me be obedient and disciplined.
i have to get to work now, just wnated to write somethine. help me do better today than yesterday. help me not allow myself to become obsessed by anything today. and plz remind me that i have a choice today.
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