Feelings suck!

I feel very insecure and needy today
Like I’ve lost my woobie, my security blanket
I feel naked and vulnerable
And my sponsor just says call me when you get willing
And I feel all alone and afraid
And I am so tired of feeling like this
I just want to use
I am so accustomed to use something to cover up the way I feel
So that I don’t have to face my feelings
To be alone with my feelings
To be alone with myself
I’m not that bad of a guy
I’m attractive
I’m pretty likeable
So why do I dislike myself so much
Why do I continue to run from my feelings?
My fears, my inadequacies
I’m at a place where I don’t want to talk to anybody
Yet I want to tell everybody what I’m doing
So somebody will do something about it
It’s like I’m trying to sabotage myself
If I can just create enough chaos and drama
And consequences maybe I will be motivated to change
Yet how many people will I hurt in the process?
True self centeredness